SKI FREE: My very best class

It all started with a careless comment from a politician. “They can’t ski’ soon was a headline in many newspapers. As I read this headline never did it enter into my mind that it would involve me.

As always you need some context to fully appreciate this unusual ski free story. If you have read some of my postings, I am sure you are getting a “picture” of unusual skier I am. Let’s be honest very “different”, and you have no idea of the……… humps!

Let just start with a confession. I learned very early that I had this addiction to skiing. My parents tried all sorts of ways to get me off what they called “dead-end” activity. Society also tried via poor school marks, poor model references and monetary incentives to get me off this “addiction”.

What they all did not consider was that I am a fast learner and stubborn! In short I get what I want. I wanted to ski. No, I wanted to breath skiing, sleep skiing, live skiing. I had to find a way to do. As all smart addicts I covered up my addiction and found ways to fuel this wonderful addiction. In short I became a success!

My 20-year secretary never knew I was such a ski fanatic. No ski pictures in my office. All my students, yes I must now reveal that I taught in university (please do not hold this against me) never even questioned my “sudden trips” to far of lands. I arranged my life so that I could take off for a year if needed. I found great research projects in places no researcher ever wanted to go to except me (there was a great ski resort in town)!

Now back to that comment. As you all know you can say many negative things to a skier but to say, “you can’t ski” that is a no no and to do it publicly! Are you ready for the shocker?

It was addressed to men and women who were the most fit, most dedicated, and most sports minded persons in the world. Their job was to “protect” this man you see he was very important person and killing him would have made other headlines. The problem was that he was an expert skier, not one of those “media skiers” who goes to Vail for the annual snowflake bunny events. He skied hard and fast.

I thought my cover was good and few people knew about my addiction, seems this organization can get their man ,,,,, I got a phone call. They are looking for a person who can keep his mouth shut, travel everywhere in the county where there is skiing and at any time! “Why”, I asked since this project seemed “fishy” Seems a small group of highly motivated, highly fit persons needed to “up-grade” their skiing skills,,,,,FAST. Like yesterday!

Have you heard of Paris Island? Well I originated a similar project but on snow! I will not go into detail here (but if allowed I will share with you later some “incidents”) but let me just tell you what my job description was.
I was to over a 5-month period take 20 persons and make them top level expert skiers so that they could then individually become ski instructors. That had to ski all day without stopping, while carrying various electronic material and weapons. Is that a dream job?

The sole initial purpose of this project was to make that politician “eat his words”. In short to ski the hell out of him” In short get group pride back! You see he had a technique where by he would “pretend” to go to the easy runs for the “cameras” and media types. Then very quickly slip into a trial going into the expert sections, thus often skiing alone for a few hours while the support teams were looking everywhere in the resort for him!
He was playing cat and mouse with his protection staff but also risking international “problems” It had to stop. I was the solution.

I asked to ski with his team as a “gofor” man. To analyse his ways to slip away. Clearly he was better than all of them. He used the woods and “cutoffs” as escape routes very much like a groundhog that has many “doors”. He did this in the early morning, since he was not fit as they were. He always waited for a steeper section in order to gain speed and challenge his “followers”. You either fell or lost him! He always won and they always lost!

Soon very soon we would teach him a lesson. That was my job. I decided to be him and we would play a game called follow the leader. So everytime a team was “off” I would train them to follow me wherever I when. Remember no one knew about this, so patrollers would see 10 skiers going into woods at odd angles. Skiing slowly gracefully, then all of sudden in a group spastic move speed up and take off a small cliff ( I stress small). I wish I could have video-taped this.

One of the major problems also was that they were not very well equipped. He had the latest skis, boots, jacket. They had the regulate gouvernment issue equipment. Once I got them the very very best ski material, they would do anything I asked! No more,, “well you have those XXX skis” if I got to bottom before them!

I did say I was stubborn! Did I also say I am very much like a cruise missile and that once I accept a project I do it until it is a success. Failure is not an option! I knew I could not get this team, in 10 months to “his” level of skiing competence. He started skiing as a child and yes was known as a wild skier. I had to slow him down! This is where my ski tuning knowledge was very valuable. I applied all ski tuning rules,,,IN REVERSE! I wanted his skis to be slower.

I needed to do this for two reasons. The team needed a serious ego-boost! They did not believe that they could follow (and protect) him! He needed a serious ego-burst. For his own safety but also as a respect to them!

Here’s what I did. Under a security check guise I waxed his skis with gradual layers of slower wax type. Thus as he skied more,,,the slower his skis became. I also placed his bindings back two inches. This caused his skis to be less quick and it caused his brain to be confused since he was not getting skiing feel!

As “gofor” of the team watched the ski day evolve. I watched as a great skier became confused, unsure and “humble”. I watched as the team skied better, faster and with more pride. Three times he tried his old tricks. Three times the team reeled him in like a fish!
The ultimate reward came at the end of the day, when HE the man that never stopped on ski hill to talk to them paid them all a beer and talked about, that drop and that trail they all took. “And how did you find me once I took that closed trail” he asked! It was a trap we had laid for him since we wanted to get him on a “closed” trail so that the whole team could pass him,,,then wait at bottom like he did many moths ago! Pay back time for his comment! He was man enough to acknowledge it, eat crow and still pay for the beer. The one and last time he did.

As a write this to you, beside me is the beer mug he used to “honor” his staff for a little ego-bursting we all need!

Pavel,

This was a really good story. The question all must have on their minds is "Who was he?" Or what nationality was he? My first guess is that his initials are JC and he's from Quebec, Canada. I recall the man I have in mind is a golf enthusiast has is a Bill Clinton golfing buddy. I recall seeing news clips of him on the ski hills... but ....?

Ohhh, the fun skiing has brought you!

Mike

Mike,

Think how he skis. Think of someone else who also was a jodo expert, drove old gull-wing Mercedes Benz Sports car,and skied even faster!
Loved powder skiing. Created a famous saying, "fuddle duddle"!

Danced behind the Queen's back at Buckingham.

Should I continue.

Yes skiing has brought me much!

Perhaps PET !!! Same party.... :!:

Mike :wink:

Mike, Can not keep anything from you.

Please read message from Queen and tell me if you would sit on panel to discuss differences in skiing context in America vs Europe!

I will try to get Ellistine bandit or Ise to represent Europe!