Vital ski terms

Source: Warren Miller - Mountain Speak

Warren Miller discovered that many skiers do not know basic skiing terms. He proposed the following. Enjoy!

Merger
When two ski resorts with three years of bad snow climb onto the same toboggan to ride downhill on what's left of their financial statement.

Piste Bully Groomer
A quarter-million dollar device that flattens all of the bumps in the ski run because anyone over the age of 40 would have to quit skiing if it had not been invented.

Snow Gun
A very expensive gizmo that sprays small drops of water onto rocks and stumps so when when the temperature is below freezing the water slowly coagulates into frozen icy mass the size of subcompact cars that skiers call moguls.

Snow report
An optimistic hypothesis of potential snow conditions by an assistant to the assistant marketing Director- who is looking for a higher -paying job.

Artificial Fiber
Something that cost Dupont about 14 billion dollars in research in order to duplicate the inner feathers of Chinese ducks-which cost about 5 cents per feather.

Lift Lines
Something you pay as much as $75 per day to stand and freeze waiting in lift lines, unless of course you pay $120 per hour for aprivate instructor so that you now do not freeze on lift lines but freeze on lift!

Heliskiing
A very expensive, noisy and scary way to become the most listened to person at a cocktail party

Cross-Training
A semi-religious rite performed for the up coming season's sport.
Note: People who cross-train never have to indulge in seasonal sports because they're always cross-training for the upcoming season!

Diagonal Kevlar Laminate
Something that is added to a ski in order to substantially raise the price of that ski.



Special Discount
The mystical and hypothetical amount that is subtracted from the retail price of any ski product after the normal markup has been doubled.

High Speed Quad
A $4 million device that lets you float through the air at an incredibly high speed and deposit more skiers per hour at the top of the mountain in order to block all the ski runs.

Man Made Snow
A commodity that requires vast amounts of coal to generate electricity to expensively convert water to white stuff on the hill where it will cover brown stuff called rocks. Some of the brown stuff usually sticks up through the white stuff!

Travel Agent
The company you found on line that books you into the wrong end of the town, in the wrong room, at the wrong week of the season,at the wrong price when the snow is thin and there is no storm in sight.


I am sure you are all as imaginative as Mr. Miller and can "contribute" to this unique ski terminology

Here is mine.

Ski Bunny
A not so rare ski species that has fur all over her body ( yes it is 99% female) except important portions of the body such as torso, hips and legs. These areas are covered in very tight thin material.
This species demonstrates unique survival qualities. It enjoys moving near its predators by displaying courtship behavior, then scampers off to seek other bunnies as protection!

Here's one for the future

Metal -

They put some tin foil in the skis and doubled the price

Trencher

Trencher wrote:Here's one for the future

Metal -

They put some tin foil in the skis and doubled the price

Trencher

:lol: :lol:

And, of course;

Wood - they took out the billion dollar composite carbon alloy sandwich wafer and replaced it with the tree from the bottom of your garden.

And doubled the price.

If only it wasn't true...