J2Ski Forum Posts and Replies by twoshortplanks

Nice photo's, I'm jealous always wanted to meet a real life sports personality.
Shame she came last, I wonder what is wrong this year?
Still she would have beaten me to the bottom by about an hour I expect. :oops:

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So
they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few
hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and
the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he
had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
North about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of
the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Well, um, yes," Bob
said, a little embarrassed about being found out
"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?)
Now keep that smile for the rest of the day

HOW TO SKI

Two guys are waiting at the top of a piste while another four women are clipping on their skis and snowboards. The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to go they jump off and one immediately falls.
She sprawls around collecting goggles, gloves and lipssticks which have spread themselves all over the hill and refits her ski's.
3 yards later she again goes over and whiffs it completely. The scenario is replayed and the 3rd time time she manages five yards before wiping out.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f*cking lessons I took last winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken skiing lessons instead!"

Hi
Banff is a great place to learn, better than scotland where I had to - no ice!
There is a fantastic programme you can sign up to called club ski or club snowboard you can book online http://www.skibig3.com/ under snow school.
Inns of Banff is right on the edge of town but you should be able to walk to the centre in about 20 mins. As there are so many of you I would book taxis they are not too expensive. Most of the busier and best bars/restaurants are in town, try the sunday brunch at the Banff Springs if you like a feast (you have to book, but you can do it online).
There are plenty of shops and other rental outlets, if you are going on a package the tour operator will have a preferred supplier.
There are other things to do like dog sleds and trips to other ski areas like Nakisika (great for beginners) and Kicking Horse, worth the trip for the scenery en-route but not really a beginner resort.
Again the tour operator will no doubt be trying to flog you these excursions while you are on the transfer coach from the airport. If you are travelling independently the hotel concierge will arrange things for you, he might expect a tip though... and I wasn't thinking of Lightning Boy in the 3.30 at Haydock.
Lastly don't waste your money on booking a lift pass for 9 days (if you are going for 10) or 13 days (for 14 days holidays). I think you can add extra days to a shorter pass for the same discount as if you bought the longer pass at the outset, and you will probably want to take a day or two off snowsports if only to give your muscles a rest.
Enjoy - hope it isn't too cold.
Rgds
Harry

I haven't been so add one more to the hits and no replies....

:PJust looking at all the new mobile phones coming out that now have GPS built in.
What we need now is a ski resort to embrace the technology and provide a piste map that you can store in your phone as they do with road maps and bingo - no more fannying around with bits of paper which never fold up properly or blow away in the wind half way up the chairlift on your first day in a new resort, thus guaranteeing you have to return to the base via a black run mogul field / or air ambulance.

)Never skied there but have visited on a day trip from Banff (amazing journey - a must do).
Nice Town, slopes looked nice but I think you will be bored for 2 weeks and it isn't exactly adjacent to any other ski areas, in fact slopes aren't exactly adjacent to Jasper (but neither are Banff's) nearest resort is Lake Louise and that is about 3 hours by car.
In January I would recommend taking plenty of thermal wear it is unlikely to get above sub zero and can be minus 20deg.

On the subject of Snow reports I would never trust the resort reports, they lie.
I was in Tahoe a couple of years ago and the lower base depth was reported as 125cm, I can only assume the reporter was colourblind and reporting the depth of the topsoil not snow, there was none.
Canada was similar, the snow depths they were reporting (300 cm+) were not accurate even if you counted the height of the drifts at the side of the road after the ploughs had added all the snow they lifted off the road. :roll: