Anybody have any ski jokes?
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StoP tHE LogGINg oR wE WiLl CoNtInUE To KIll oNe CeleBrITY skier EacH WeEK.
P.S. TheRe ARE nO SkIinG "aCciDenTS".
The protection of all trees committe!
The only things in life that are certain are death, taxes...and an accident blocking the road on the way to your favorite trail.
Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers...could only dream of telemark turns.
I have a dream...of skiing an endless powder.
Give me liberty or give me...an avalanche.
Good things come to people who wait...but those that jump in early usually get good powder too.
The meek shall inherit the earth...the aggressive shall dominate the slopes.
Many are chosen but few come...when the trails are fresh during the work week.
Once you are 50, it is downhill all the way!
When you are over 50 and you hit the flats in powder on a snowboard, you realise this isn't always the case.
Trencher
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Started by Hamish Macbeth in Ski Chatter 13-Jan-2008 - 16 Replies
Hamish Macbeth posted Jan-2008
Pavelski's stories raise a chuckle but does anybody know any that would encourage a good old belly-laugh? :mrgreen:
It's only a slope.
Freezywater
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
"Borrowed" from Snowheads:-
Two dyslexic skiiers about to make their first ever descent are stood at the top of a slope, one says to the other "I can't remember ~ should we zig zag or zag zig down the slope?" the other says "I cant remember ~ lets ask that bloke over their with the sledge". The shuffle over and ask the bloke with the sledge "When you ski down do you zig zag or zag zig?" The man looks at them blankly and says "Don't ask me i'm a toboggonist".
The first skiier says "Oh really, can I have 20 Rothmans please"
Two dyslexic skiiers about to make their first ever descent are stood at the top of a slope, one says to the other "I can't remember ~ should we zig zag or zag zig down the slope?" the other says "I cant remember ~ lets ask that bloke over their with the sledge". The shuffle over and ask the bloke with the sledge "When you ski down do you zig zag or zag zig?" The man looks at them blankly and says "Don't ask me i'm a toboggonist".
The first skiier says "Oh really, can I have 20 Rothmans please"
I would have got away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids!
Freezywater
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
or this one, again "borrowed":-
Two Skiers were on their way out on piste, one said, "Where
did you get your new skis?"
The second skier replied, "Well, I was skiing along yesterday minding
my own business when a
beautiful woman came up on these skis. She unclipped them from her bindings and threw them to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second skier nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Two Skiers were on their way out on piste, one said, "Where
did you get your new skis?"
The second skier replied, "Well, I was skiing along yesterday minding
my own business when a
beautiful woman came up on these skis. She unclipped them from her bindings and threw them to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second skier nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
I would have got away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids!
Pavelski
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
Hamish,
Try this!
Three skiers were coming back from a great day of skiing powder. Jan, Pav, ans Hamish! All great buddies that have skied together for many years!
While driving home they hit a patch of ice, flew off the round and ended at the St. Peter's gates!
There was St. Peter looking stern, since did not fancy! skiers at his place. Too happy this lot! Too active! Heaven is supposed to be calm and quiet with lots of "church music" ( so they say)!
Jan was first in line! "What kind of skis do you have Jan" asked St. Peter?
With a trembling voice and shaking knees Jan replied, " Volkls" A hush followed. Then with a wave of the hand ,,the gates opened with music Jan had never heard!
Then it was Hamish's turn. Still in a state of shock from all the flying about and seeing this huge man/spirit in front of him, Hamish steps up!
"And you,,,what kind of skis do you have", asks St. Peter!
In a low quiet tone Hamish replies,"Salomon Mutix" hoping that St. Peter would be impressed!You see Hamish had read Pav's posts and informed himself about these skis! He had saved up his money and took the plunge! Against his wife's advice and all his skier's friend , he bought the skis!
With a stern deep look into Hamish's soul, St. Peter said, "In". The trumpets rang out,,,the great doors opened! Hamish was in skier's heaven. Powder everyday!
The last one in line stepped up! With head down ( since he knew what he had done on earth) Pavel focussed on St. Peter's toes! He could feel those eyes peering at his soul!
"What kind of skis do you ski with?" St. Peter asked!
With pride Pavel said, "why Atomics SL"!
"To HELL with you" pointed St. Peter with a booming voice that seemed to drive a red hot iron into Pavel's heart!
He turned and looked down at eternal summer! Hell!
Then with a pause,,,he asked St. Peter, "Why me? Jan has done many more things than me! You know about that ski trip he did in Jackson Hole! What about that event with the motorcycle!!!! That Hamish,,,well do I need to say more ( his wife and kids might read this post)?"
St. Peter paused,,,,then replied with a soft understanding voice, " Pavel,,,Pavel with those Atomics SL,,,you were in heaven all the time! Now you have to give others a chance the experience what you had on earth"
And so Pavel fell down to eternal summer!
Try this!
Three skiers were coming back from a great day of skiing powder. Jan, Pav, ans Hamish! All great buddies that have skied together for many years!
While driving home they hit a patch of ice, flew off the round and ended at the St. Peter's gates!
There was St. Peter looking stern, since did not fancy! skiers at his place. Too happy this lot! Too active! Heaven is supposed to be calm and quiet with lots of "church music" ( so they say)!
Jan was first in line! "What kind of skis do you have Jan" asked St. Peter?
With a trembling voice and shaking knees Jan replied, " Volkls" A hush followed. Then with a wave of the hand ,,the gates opened with music Jan had never heard!
Then it was Hamish's turn. Still in a state of shock from all the flying about and seeing this huge man/spirit in front of him, Hamish steps up!
"And you,,,what kind of skis do you have", asks St. Peter!
In a low quiet tone Hamish replies,"Salomon Mutix" hoping that St. Peter would be impressed!You see Hamish had read Pav's posts and informed himself about these skis! He had saved up his money and took the plunge! Against his wife's advice and all his skier's friend , he bought the skis!
With a stern deep look into Hamish's soul, St. Peter said, "In". The trumpets rang out,,,the great doors opened! Hamish was in skier's heaven. Powder everyday!
The last one in line stepped up! With head down ( since he knew what he had done on earth) Pavel focussed on St. Peter's toes! He could feel those eyes peering at his soul!
"What kind of skis do you ski with?" St. Peter asked!
With pride Pavel said, "why Atomics SL"!
"To HELL with you" pointed St. Peter with a booming voice that seemed to drive a red hot iron into Pavel's heart!
He turned and looked down at eternal summer! Hell!
Then with a pause,,,he asked St. Peter, "Why me? Jan has done many more things than me! You know about that ski trip he did in Jackson Hole! What about that event with the motorcycle!!!! That Hamish,,,well do I need to say more ( his wife and kids might read this post)?"
St. Peter paused,,,,then replied with a soft understanding voice, " Pavel,,,Pavel with those Atomics SL,,,you were in heaven all the time! Now you have to give others a chance the experience what you had on earth"
And so Pavel fell down to eternal summer!
Pavelski
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
This was sent to me several years ago from an American I met skiing in Lake Tahoe! I am not sure why he sent me this email!
Perhaps you can tell me!
Top 10 Reasons Skiing is Better Than Sex
10. Choice of day or night
9. You pay once to go up and down all day
8. Skis are always hard
7. You have your choice of expert or beginner
6. You always get picked up when in line
5. Lubricant lasts for days
4. Vertical is better than horizontal
3. You can ride more than 2 skiers at a time
2. Lessons are available from anyone
1. Abundance of virgin territory
Perhaps you can tell me!
Top 10 Reasons Skiing is Better Than Sex
10. Choice of day or night
9. You pay once to go up and down all day
8. Skis are always hard
7. You have your choice of expert or beginner
6. You always get picked up when in line
5. Lubricant lasts for days
4. Vertical is better than horizontal
3. You can ride more than 2 skiers at a time
2. Lessons are available from anyone
1. Abundance of virgin territory
Pavelski
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FROM: THE TREES
StoP tHE LogGINg oR wE WiLl CoNtInUE To KIll oNe CeleBrITY skier EacH WeEK.
P.S. TheRe ARE nO SkIinG "aCciDenTS".
The protection of all trees committe!
Pavelski
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
The only things in life that are certain are death, taxes...and an accident blocking the road on the way to your favorite trail.
Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers...could only dream of telemark turns.
I have a dream...of skiing an endless powder.
Give me liberty or give me...an avalanche.
Good things come to people who wait...but those that jump in early usually get good powder too.
The meek shall inherit the earth...the aggressive shall dominate the slopes.
Many are chosen but few come...when the trails are fresh during the work week.
Once you are 50, it is downhill all the way!
Trencher
reply to 'Anybody have any ski jokes?' posted Jan-2008
pavelski wrote:
Once you are 50, it is downhill all the way!
When you are over 50 and you hit the flats in powder on a snowboard, you realise this isn't always the case.
Trencher
because I'm so inclined .....
Edited 1 time. Last update at 14-Jan-2008
Topic last updated on 25-January-2008 at 10:18